Attraction - Do You Give or Do You Dominate?

We all want good things for those we love. If a family member is struggling or suffering, don't you feel a natural urge to help? And if someone you care about se5B4ems to be making a mess of their life, what's the harm in helping them straighten things out?

It's only natural to help those we care about.

But sometimes our helping -- our giving -- can end up taking more away than it supplies. How many spoiled kids have we seen, kids whose parents gave them every advantage, removed every struggle from their path, smoothed their way through every situation, and the children grew up weak, dependent and petty.

How many young people marry someone their parents urge them to wed, even though they don't love that partner? Or how many go into a career their parents choose for them -- doctors who'd rather be painting, lawyers who dream of building houses, or accountants who long to entertain audiences.

A common proverb tells us that if we give someone a fish, we feed them for a day, but if we teach them to fish, we've fed them for a lifetime. Well, that's true.

As far as it goes.

But there are other things to consider as well. What if you've just taught fishing to someone who hates fishing, and they would much rather be designing clothes, or charting oceans, or flying airplanes?

I think you understand that this fishing metaphor is only that, a metaphor, and that we should take a broader meaning from the proverb. Yes, you understand, and I understand, but some people don't.

My own father was a plumber, one of the best in the business. Despite that, he always felt557 more than a little defensive about his line of work. He felt that others looked down on him because he worked in their toilets.

And even though he didn't ever quite respect his own work, he was deeply disappointed that I was never interested in becoming a plumber after him. He often urged me to consider working with him, but he never pressured me, and for that, I salute him.

Other parents don't offer their children that much respect.

So here's the deal -- you've got the power to get help for yourself and also to send help to others. But I urge you to allow others to take your help and use it -- or not -- as they choose.

After all, isn't that what life is all about, learning to make wise and effective choices? When you give, do it with an open hand.

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