Relationship Myths - Eight Examples That will Doom Your Relationship to Failure

Relationship myths are everywhere. There are more than I can count. The fairy tales that we believe create all sorts of problems in our real life relationships. Let's look at eight of the many relationship myths that will doom your relationship to failure:

1. All you need is love

This one is nice to believe. Love conquers all. Reality check: love is an essential ingredient in your relationship, but it is just one of many. A good relationship needs other ingredients, such as respect, appreciation, and the ability to negotiate when in conflict, to name a few.

2. If my partner loved me, s/he would _____________.

This statement is one of conditional love. It's also quite manipulative. Essentially, it's saying this: "If you loved me, you would do what I want; you would even know what I want without my having to tell you." Wow, that's quite a heavy expectation from someone you love.

Does it work the other way around (If I loved my partner, I would ______________)? Not usually. Be careful. If you expect your partner to love you unconditionally, yet you have all these conditions for you to give love your partner, you are creating an unequal, unfair, and deeply unhappy relationship.

3. Love means never having to say you're sorry

Yes, the movie "Love Story" gave us that line. If you don't say "I'm sorry" when you've done something offensive, what does that say about you? Are you too insecure to admit to causing offense? Are you telling your partner you are so above other mortals that you don't need to apologize?

Are you so angry at your partner that you believe s/he deserves what you did? I sincerely hope not. If this is a habit of yours, examine your beliefs about apologizing. They may need revising. Otherwise, you may be headed for loneliness.

4. If the sex is good, the relationship will be good too

Too many people consider a passionate sex life to mean they are compatible with their partner. They confuse passion with love. If that's all you've got, it's not enough to sustain a committed relationship.

5. If I don't say what I think/feel, I can't be happy in my relationship

What are we, in grade school? "If I don't get to express myself, I'm going to pout." I've had thoughts I would not want people to know about; we all have. Some thoughts, if voiced, can permanently damage a relationship.

I'm not telling you to stuff all of your feelings and never say what's on your mind. I'm asking you to be aware of how your words can impact your loved one. Ask yourself, "If my partner told me what I'm about to say, how would I feel?" Think first before you speak, then be tactful.

6. My partner is supposed to make me happy

Some people work really hard to make their partner happy, believing it is actually in their power to create happiness in another person. Others believe that their partner holds their happiness in the palm of his/her hands.

Sometimes people who believe this myth spend lots of time complaining to their partner and nagging their partner. Danger, danger! Creating happiness is your responsibility, not your partner's. You can do this when you work together to build a respectful, appreciative relationship.

7. My relationship would be great, if only my partner would change

Maybe so, but your partner's change is not in your control. You can threaten your partner, further damaging your relationship, or you can take responsibility for the only person whose behavior you can change: you. That's a big enough job, believe me!

8. A relationship should be 50/50

If you got 50% of the questions right on an exam, you would receive a failing grade. Is that acceptable? This statement becomes a scorekeeping issue. I'll wash half of the dishes or mow half of the lawn. I'll do my part, but only if he does his share. Again, control your own behavior and do your part. That's 100% of your part, not a failing grade of 50%.

For more tips and tools for attracting love and prosperity into your life, visit http://www.sanantoniorelationshipcoach.com For weekly tips and tools sign up for Michelle's free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there. You can also visit http://languageofrelating.blogspot.com and http://powerofgratitude.blogspot.com Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach in San Antonio, Texas. She specializes in helping people attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy. She is available for in office and phone coaching for individuals and couples who want to create more joy in their relationships.

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